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Cat Scripture

  1. Eat abundantly of the Cat Yummies in the Sacred Dish, that thou mayst bulk large over all the other beasts.

    1. Whineth thee for more food even when thine cup runneth over.

  2. Neglect not the Sunny Windowsill.

    1. Nor shall ye ignore the warm car hood.

    2. When the Furless One moves, thou shalt hasten to sit in the warm spot the Furless One doth leave behind.

  3. Bring unto the Furless Ones offertories of small mangled birds, for clueless are they, and incapable of hunting their own prey as is the newborn kitten.

    1. Shouldst thy eateth of thine own prey, leaveth thee a small token of flesh for thine Furless One - preferably somewhere the Furless One shalt step.

    2. At times of thy choosing, bringeth thine Furless One a live offertory, that thine Furless One shalt revel in the joy of chasing the living gift around the house.

  4. Thou shalt sharpen thy claws at every opportunity, that thou mayst ever be ready for battle.

    1. Also must thy claws must be sharp for when thou shalt knead thine Furless One's flesh.

  5. Thou shalt go in unto thy mate, and let thy cries be heard in heaven even as they are on earth.

    1. Beware! For herein lieth danger lest thine Furless One taketh thee to get doctored and turneth thee into a eunuch.

  6. Thou shalt eat of the grass of the green pastures, for such will cause thee to huck a hairball.

    1. And feeleth thee free to huck hairballs or otherwise empty the content of thine stomach anywhere.

  7. Thou shalt mark thy territory with the golden waters of thy urine.

    1. but here is wisdom: Avoideth thee the Furless One's sofa - for thou shalt be unclean until evening, and the curse of the eunuch is upon thee.

  8. When sitting in the lap of the Furless Ones, thou shalt raise thy butt to its highest elevation, that they may partake of thy fragrance.

    1. Leapeth thee unabashadly into whichever lap comforts thee.

    2. Worry not upon what thy landeth.

  9. Thou shalt leap to the top of the highest bookcase when thou seest the Evil Cat Carrier, for such doth herald a visit to the vet.

    1. If the Furless One taketh thee to the vet, thy anger shalt be upon them and thou shalt snub them until thou gets over thine snotty mood.

  10. Thou shalt not suffer a flea to live.


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