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- Eat abundantly of the Cat Yummies in the Sacred Dish,
that thou mayst bulk large over all the other beasts.
- Whineth thee for more food even when thine cup runneth over.
- Neglect not the Sunny Windowsill.
- Nor shall ye ignore the warm car hood.
- When the Furless One moves, thou shalt hasten to sit in the warm spot
the Furless One doth leave behind.
- Bring unto the Furless Ones offertories of small mangled
birds, for clueless are they, and incapable of hunting
their own prey as is the newborn kitten.
- Shouldst thy eateth of thine own prey, leaveth thee a small token of
flesh for thine Furless One - preferably somewhere the Furless One
- At times of thy choosing, bringeth thine Furless One a live offertory,
that thine Furless One shalt revel in the joy of chasing the living gift
around the house.
- Thou shalt sharpen thy claws at every opportunity, that
thou mayst ever be ready for battle.
- Also must thy claws must be sharp for when thou shalt knead thine
Furless One's flesh.
- Thou shalt go in unto thy mate, and let thy cries be
heard in heaven even as they are on earth.
- Beware! For herein lieth danger lest thine Furless One taketh thee to
get doctored and turneth thee into a eunuch.
- Thou shalt eat of the grass of the green pastures,
for such will cause thee to huck a hairball.
- And feeleth thee free to huck hairballs or otherwise empty the content
of thine stomach anywhere.
- Thou shalt mark thy territory with the golden waters of thy urine.
- but here is wisdom: Avoideth thee the Furless One's sofa - for thou
shalt be unclean until evening, and the curse of the eunuch is upon
- When sitting in the lap of the Furless Ones, thou
shalt raise thy butt to its highest elevation, that they
may partake of thy fragrance.
- Leapeth thee unabashadly into whichever lap comforts thee.
- Worry not upon what thy landeth.
- Thou shalt leap to the top of the highest bookcase when
thou seest the Evil Cat Carrier, for such doth herald a
visit to the vet.
- If the Furless One taketh thee to the vet, thy anger shalt be upon
them and thou shalt snub them until thou gets over thine snotty
- Thou shalt not suffer a flea to live.
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Deon Ramsey (email@example.com)